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The Gang Buys a Boat
The gang attempts to find adventure on the sea after they purchase their 'new' boat. Recap 10:00 AM, On a Saturday, Philadelphia, PA Mac, Dennis and Charlie meet with a salesman to buy a boat, having just recently come into some cash ($2500) with the success of dicktowel.com (which they're keeping on the hush-hush). Mac and Dennis want a P-Diddy style party boat, while Charlie wants a Forrest Gump style shrimping vessel. Instead of a "P-Diddy style shrimping vessel" the salesman introduces them to The Drowning Sailor, a houseboat, to which the Gang quickly accepts due to incredibly short attention spans. The Gang meets at the dock to examine their new houseboat, but while Charlie and Frank are excited about shrimping Mac and Dennis infer that it's only a very small part of what they have in mind. Mac, Dee, and Dennis go inside to check the decor, to which Dee demonstrates her P-Diddy boat dance. Mac comments that she dances like an inflatable dancing tube man from a used car lot. After a short argument, Dennis tells Dee that it's her job to get rid of all stuff inside the boat since she didn't invest any money in this venture. Charlie and Frank are busy loading up their fishing gear when Mac and Dennis exit the boat telling them to stop what they're doing and begin scrapping the barnacles off the boat. Patranizing their demands, a which point Mac delcares himself the Captain of the boat, Frank and Charlie are about to set sail while Mac and Dennis go to the boat store for supplies. Frank accidentally tosses the keys into the water, prompting Charlie to dive in after them. Mac and Dennis buy supplies at the boat store, running low on Dick Towel money, before Dennis reveals his true purpose for buying the boat; a way to seduce women who won't refuse "because of the implication." Mac gets confused on the dark nature of the subject as the "implication" sounds an awful lot like rape on the open ocean should the ladies refuse. Dropping the subject, they continuing with their purchases. Charlie resurfaces without the keys, but collection of assorted items which he believes could be ancient relics from a "horse massacre." In reality, it is Dee dumping all the stuff inside the boat overboard, to clean it up. At which point Frank enters and suggest that they instead gut the boat by breaking everything with a hammer. An act that breaks some electrical wiring near the floor. Mac and Dennis return, with Dennis still trying to convince Mac about the subject of "the implication." The angrily arrive at the boat to discover that Frank and Dee have trashed the place, when they're suppose to be fixing it. Mac holds a crew meeting only to discover that Charlie has been pick up Dee's trash and lost the keys to the boat. Angry at the prospect of having to buy scubba equipment. Mac and Dennis return to the boat store. Mac notices a flyer outside the store for a dock party. Dennis agrees that it's the best way to get back into lifestyle, but argues about how much money they're wasting. Back at the boat, Mac has bought an inflatable tube man which annoys Dee while she's painting the boat. Frank gets fed up too, until Charlie comes back with big news. Before he can say it though, Dennis and Mac arrive to get ready for the dock party. Refusing to do any of the work of the other crew, and patranizing their efforts, they leave the gang to finish the work while they socialize. Angry at first, everyone cheers up when Charlie reveals that he had just found the boat keys. Mac and Dennis arrive at the dock party only to find that the people involved are not what they expected (barnacle covered, and sunburned men). Mac feeling that they might be an adventurous lot instead goes over to another guy with a missing hand who they though might have lost it in a crazy adventure. After learning that his his hand was lost through diabetes, they decide to leave the party only to have the Host stop them. Upon implying that the party is just getting warmed up, and they'll have a couple of tasty treats soon, Mac and Dennis assume that men are going out to the ocean of have their way with them. Much to their relief, the tasty treats are in fact a group of hot women. Frank, Charlie, and Dee have set sail on the river. Dee is learning a few dance moves from the inflatable man onboard, while Frank cooks up some toxic catfish and Charlie fiddles with the broken scubba equipment. When Dennis calls telling everyone to get off the boat so they can bring back their new dates, Charlie patronizes them and hangs up. Having given up on the scubba equipment, Charlie tosses it inside the boat and hits the broken electrical wiring that Frank broke earlier. The boat catches on fire, and the crew quickly scrambles to abandoned ship. Dennis and Mac arrive with their 2 dates, where as Mac puts it, they "can make rash decisions based on fear," only to discover that the boat is gone and Gang is crawling out of the water. When Dennis and Mac asks what happens, Charlie points to the massive inferno burning out in the water. Charlie points out the terrible investment, as the boat sinks to the bottom. Alliances * Charlie and Frank - Try to use the boat for shrimping and fishing. * Dee and Frank - Help each other fix/gut the boat from the inside. * Dennis and Mac - Try to use the boat so that they can seduce women onboard. Recurring Roles Guest Stars Episode Title Notes * dicktowel.com first seen in Paddy's Pub: Home of the Original Kitten Mittens has been successful despite The Lawyer's contract/restraining order that gives him 100 percent of all Paddy's Pub merchandise. Continuity Please add continuity notes here. Quotes :Boat Salesman: Let me just see if i have this right here. It seems like what you guys are looking for P. Diddy style of shrimping boat. : : You're a really good listener and I didn't peg you for one when we came in here because of the pinky ring. : : Work first. And then you can do your weird inflatable tube man P. Diddy dance. : One word : : Shrimp. : : You know I'm looking forward to, is catching me some Delaware River Catfish. They are so tasty, I used to eat em' when I was a kid. You can't buy them in the store no more. : : Why's that? : : The goddamn EPA, they says they're toxic. (pft) Toxic my ass, I mean they're just endangered. : : Here's what we'll do, we'll scrap all these delicious oysters or whatever off the side the boat. We'll put em' in a pot, we'll boil em' up before you get back. : : We'll cook em' for you. : : There you go. : : Those are barnacles, DO NOT eat those. And do not cook them in a pot and serve them to us. : Maybe this whole thing isn't about meeting girls. Maybe it's about having an adventure, you know open ocean adventure. (points to a nearby patron) Take a look at this guy. How'd he lose that hand? I betcha it was some kind of crazy adventure right? Let's find out. (walks over to the man) Hey bro, how'd you lose that hand? :Man: ...diabetes. : : Oh. : : (awkwardly) Uh... that's not, uh, much of an adventure is it? Kind of tragic. : Uh, hey! Uh, what do you do if, the boat is on fire? : : What do you mean? : : The boat is on fiire. (flames burst) Oh, fires getting bigger. : : What!? : : Fires getting big. : : Noooo! Bail! External Links Category:It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Episodes Category:Season 6 Episodes